For children who have separation anxiety, the daily drop-off can be challenging. Back-to-school anxiety is normal and understandable. Many kids may feel anxious about going back to school after a long summer break. Others may feel nervous about starting school for the first time. Follow these tips to find ways to help your kids deal with school anxiety in daycare, preschool, and the elementary years.
School anxiety in daycare
Causes
Around eight months, many children develop separation anxiety, which causes them to scream and cry hysterically whenever their caregiver isn't around. This anxiety coincides with a new intellectual skill called object permanence – the ability to remember objects and specific people that aren’t present. In other words, your baby starts calling up mental pictures of you when you aren't there, and they miss your warmth, comfort, and familiarity. Young children also don't have a sense of time, so they don't understand whether you'll be gone for an hour or two days.
Signs and symptoms
Babies and toddlers may scream and cling during drop-off, but they’ll usually stop once you're out of sight.
How to handle it
Dr. Greene suggests preparing your child with separation games, such as peek-a-boo, which reinforces that you'll always return after leaving. You can also begin introducing small doses of separation into your little one's life – a visit to an aunt's house or a day with grandma.
School anxiety in preschoolers
Causes
School is an abstract concept to a kid who's never been before. The unfamiliar people and routines can be scary for them. Some preschoolers might also have lingering separation anxiety, but this is normal; it simply means that a child has a strong attachment to a caregiver.
Signs and symptoms
Usually, kids with school anxiety will show a range of stress or anxiety-related symptoms. Preschoolers might talk about their fear of school and ask for repeated reassurance (“Can you stay at school with me?” “Do I have to go?”). They may also complain about stomachaches or headaches, or they’ll throw tantrums when you're ready to leave.
How to handle it
“If your child is going into preschool, take them on a tour a few days beforehand,” recommends Sucheta Connolly, M.D., a child psychiatrist and director of the Pediatric Stress and and Anxiety Disorders Clinic at the University of Illinois in Chicago, which treats children as young as 2. Talk openly and excitedly to your child about their upcoming routine. If they have trouble with new social situations, arrange for playdates with some new classmates before school begins.
School anxiety in elementary students
Causes
School anxiety in elementary students has many different causes, such as the child might be stressed by the demands within the classroom. Most parents and teachers may not know that the student may have an undiagnosed learning disability. Teachers might not be aware or think the student simply isn't trying. The kid can fret about school. Other factors include generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and social anxiety, which makes school seem scary. Children with GAD suffer excessive worry about everyday things: academic performance, being away from parents, making new friends, fitting in, and so on. Kids with social anxiety often feel intensely scrutinized and worry that they’ll do something embarrassing. Some are fearful of speaking in front of the class, while others have trouble even walking up to the blackboard. This is real life trauma for them.
Signs and symptoms
Children might have physical symptoms that include headaches, nausea, diarrhea, difficulty sleeping, etc. These signs appear before the school day. Some will develop school refusal, a fear so intense that they can’t be put into the school bus or the building. If they manage to get to school, they may cry, complain of aches and pains, and can’t be consoled by their teacher. It’s important to note that children with school anxiety struggle every day at school. It’s not something they have one day but not the next.
How to handle it
Always have recurrent physical symptoms checked out by a pediatrician to rule out medical problems. Assuming that kids are physically healthy, parents need to be firm about not allowing them to miss school. Acknowledge that they feel scared, but make them understand that nervousness doesn't mean they won't enjoy themselves. Remind them of new situations they’ve dealt with, such as sleeping at grandma’s house for the first time without you, and how it ended up being fun.